TODAY I HOPE I ACCIDENTALLY GET KILLED BY A BUS & other poems

Posted on March 29, 2008

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By Sam Pink

TODAY I HOPE I ACCIDENTALLY GET HIT BY A BUS.
THAT WAY, PEOPLE WILL LOOK BACK ON EVERYTHING I DID IN MY LIFE AND THINK ABOUT HOW SPECIAL IT WAS BECAUSE I GOT ACCIDENTALLY HIT BY A BUS AND KILLED.

THE DRIVER WOULDN’T HAVE TO FEEL BAD BECAUSE IT’D BE AN ACCIDENT.

IF S/HE DOESN’T KILL ME. I AM PREPARED FOR THAT TOO—

WHEN THEY GET OUT OF THE BUS TO CHECK ON ME, I’LL BE LIKE “COULD YOU PLEASE ROLL OVER MY HEAD AND FINISH ME? I AM IN PAIN”

PEOPLE WALKING BY WOULD SEE THE BIG WHEEL OF THE BUS SMASHING MY SKULL INTO THE CONCRETE, MY SCREAMING MOUTH THE LAST THING TO GO.

I AM GOING TO STEAL YOUR BLOOD I SWEAR
I WILL SMUGGLE YOUR BLOOD SOMEWHERE—
ALL OF IT.
I HAVE THE NECESSARY BAG—
A BAG THAT WILL HOLD EXACTLY ALL OF YOUR BLOOD.
AND WHERE I TAKE IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
I WILL TAKE IT SOMEWHERE YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN THEN
HYDRATE THE GROUND WITH IT.
I AM GOING TO STEAL YOUR BLOOD I SWEAR.

]FTE3YFET
I WANT TO FUCK KATIE COURIC
UNTIL OUR GENITALS BURST INTO FLAMES.
THEN I WILL ROAST US EACH A SINGLE MARSHMALLOW OVER THE FIRE
AND WE CAN SIT TOGETHER ON MY COUCH
UNFLINCHINGLY BRAINDEAD.

BWEFKKEWJEBWKJ
IF I EVER GET INTERVIEWED ON TV
I AM GOING TO SHIT MY PANTS
AND JUST SIT THERE LIKE I’M OK
THEN WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

THING WITH ACTION EXPRESSED IN PARENTHESES
(SAT ON COUCH AND SCRATCHED FOOT)
(TOUCHED LEG THEN ACTED LIKE IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE)
(SMILED AT THAT SOMEONE ELSE AND TOLD THEM THANK YOU)
(FELT CHANGE IN MOOD THEN USED MY FOREFINGER TO QUICKLY JAB AND TEAR THEIR EYE IN HALF)
(FELT LIKE I WAS FINGERING A VAGINA)
(THOUGHT ABOUT RITZ CRACKERS)
(TRIED TO REMEMBER THEME SONG TO BOY MEETS WORLD)
(TRIED TO IMAGINE MURDERING A REALLY OLD PERSON)
(SCRATCHED FOOT)
(ATE A HANDFUL OF TRAIL MIX THAT CAME WITH THE CONDOMS I BOUGHT)
(THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN)
(STOOD FROM COUCH AND TRIED TO FIND AN OBLIGATION TO RECOLLECT ‘REAL LIFE’)
(SAT BACK DOWN AND WORRIED ABOUT INVOLUNTARILY SHITTING OR PISSING PANTS)
(PISSED PANTS WHILE WORRIED ABOUT SHITTING PANTS, THEN SHAT PANTS WHILE THINKING ABOUT PISSING PANTS)
(TRIED TO REMEMBER IF THAT’S IRONY OR SOMETHING ELSE)
(RE-CREATED AN ENTIRE EPISODE OF NINJA TURTLES IN MY HEAD)
(LOOKED THROUGH MY BACK DOOR AND SAW A RABBIT RUNNING ACROSS THE FIELD.)
(CHASED THE RABBIT DOWN AND KICKED ITS ASS WITH A SAMURAI SWORD)
(STOOD IN COLD)
(RAN AGAINST BRICKWALL OF APARTMENT)
(REMEMBERED THAT I NEEDED TO OPEN SOME TYPE OF DOOR TO ACCESS APARTMENT)
(GOT ‘MAD’)
(PUT HEAD THROUGH GLASS DOOR AND SAW PIECES OF BRAIN FALL INTO EYEBROW)
(PUT ERECT PENIS INTO THE GROUND AND CAME INTO THE CORE OF THE EARTH SETTING OFF THE EFFLORESCENCE OF BILLIONS OF FLOWERS, DIVIDING EARTH INTO INDEPENDENTLY FLOATING PIECES FOREVER)
(SAID SORRY TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR)


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sam Pink blogs here and is sometimes DRUNK.

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Posted in: Poetry
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